My Small Wonder

From our CaringBridge site:

let it go

let it roll right off your shoulders
don't you know
the hardest part is over

let it in
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists and turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you

and i don't mind
if its me you need to turn to
we'll get by
its the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists and turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i will not forget
the way i feel right now

in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists and turns of fate
these twists and turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
they still remain

these little wonders
these twists and turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain

rob thomas/small wonders

this song was an anthem for me when Angelina and Brady were in the NICU. all the small hours spent way into the night, talking, holding, crying, praying, watching. it felt like time stood still for hours. once they came home, the hardest part was over. shouldering all that came after paled in comparison to those first five months. i never thought anything could be so helpless and difficult to watch, to experience, even to remember.

now with all of this happening with Brady, i am drawn to this same anthem, some of the same feelings. today i feel the hardest part is over - he survived surgery, he came back to us completely. my perfect little boy, one of my smalll wonders, has amazed me again in his enduring strength. in preparing for our impending trip to Houston for his proton radiation therapy there are lots of details being tended to and checked off the list. sometimes i find myself still thinking - omg my baby boy has brain cancer, seriously?? seriously. its still difficult to wrap my mind around it all and how fast the last 11 days have come and gone. God continues to answer our prayers for our baby so i continue to remind Him i'm not questioning, just trying to sort it all out. some of the same feelings harken back to those NICU days but at least this time i don't have to get permission or help to hold my baby, he can just crawl up into my lap, give a big hug and say "mommy, i'm loving you" with a sweet Brady smile! seeing him in such wonderful shape gives me something to hold on tight to and believe that God is seeing this through. he is such a sweet and fascinating little man.